There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
