I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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