do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
