so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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