just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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