3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
