dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
BRING THE BAGELS
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
