sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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