To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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