i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
