Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
