i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
