time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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