I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
