Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I checked into jail on foursquare
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
