how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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