So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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