and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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