He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fuck me I smell like cheese
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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