apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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