Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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