Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
