you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
