he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
