I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
