I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
