mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
