I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
