He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
