You just made me feel so damn special
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
handjob tips. give me some.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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