worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
