just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
