Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
