So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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