Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
