True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
