the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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