this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
