I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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