I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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