So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
