sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
