WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
