You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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