she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
