It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
