Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
