Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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