After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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