I understand Curling. That high.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
