I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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