One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
