you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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