It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
