five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
