I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
