dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
