No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
